My Day....

Here's a snapshot of my day....for me, the "day" starts at midnight.

12 am--
Hubby enters bedroom going on and on about the "gorgeous" breeze outside.
"Do we really need the A/C tonight?"
My reply is a grunt.
I am in my ambien-induced haze and he is pissing me off. He takes this as approval and opens the two windows letting in the humidity soaked "breeze".
I pass out.

2 am--
I wake with my tank top stuck to me. Hubby is sprawled OVER the sheets in his boxers (which is how he sleeps 365 days a year) and I think to myself, HOW IS THIS COMFORTABLE?
I stumble to the bathroom and back, close the windows, and crank the A/C.

4 am--
I snuggle underneath my comforter. MUCH BETTER.
Why the fuck am I awake at 4 am whilst under the influence of drugs?

7 am--
B is not awake yet? How strange. I hope she sleeps until 8 am.

7:33 am--
B comes into our bedroom and I feel her take one pitiful look at me before heading over to the hubby.
Damn right, while he is out of work I am NOT getting up right now.
I am sleeping until 8:30, or the longest I can possibly lay in bed while making the 9:10 train to the city.

8:15 am--
"Mommy, can you do my hair for picture day?"
I reply with a grunt, which is actually a yes this time around.
Although, Hubby IS thisclose to vagina status when it comes to religiously brushing B's hair. Very OCD, crazy, Joan Crawford stuff if you ask me.

8:25 am--
I am brushing B's beautiful brown hair and putting it into a side ponytail at her request (which in my opinion is getting old). I am too lazy to talk her into pigtails...and I still need to get in the shower.

I will spare you the next few hours of showering, rushing for the train, getting swampass on the subway, drinking Starbucks at my desk.

I WILL tell you that at around 10:45 am, my gay work husband informed me that the douchebag staff guy is either getting the ax or leaving the company.
What does this mean, you ask?
It means that my shot at being staff on this sinking ship may actually happen. So as I send out resumes every day, I hope that I won't have to start anywhere new unless it's fabulous. Now wouldn't THAT be just lovely. Not worrying about my job for awhile

12:10 pm--
Coworker/lady who's ass I have to kiss/chick I like very much comes into my office and goes ON and ON about her explosive diarrhea from the night before.
I must hide horror and nausea pretty well, because I get the whole story.
I am really glad that you didn't crap your pants on the way home, but I REALLY don't want to analyze your last couple of meals to "pinpoint" the cause.
Let's just say, shellfish is off my menu for awhile.

12:30 pm--
Text from my mid-life crisis sister about concert on Friday pops up on my b-berry.
She annoys me.
Isn't it nice when you have a sister with so much jealousy that she deliberately books your tickets for the night 4 people are going and then also gets herself tickets for the next night when the entire town is going?
Then, she lovingly proceeds to publicly plan the tailgating on Facebook (3 large buses, entertainment, drinks, and food) while telling me and my cousin that she just isn't sure how we are getting there on Friday.
Sorry that your lil sis has what you want....see you Friday!

12:40 pm--
Cousin calls and downloads me about mid-life's texts to her AND her date last night. She is not having the whole dating scene post-divorce. But hell, she didn't date before she married the blockhead that broke her heart. I listen. She needs to get out more.

12:50 pm--
Hubby calls me (for the fourth time) from Home Depot. He is FINALLY going to paint the moldings.
You know, because he has been SO busy.
He tries to play the color-blind card but I call him on that shit QUICK.
It's WHITE paint.
Figure it out!
And no, I am not googling which type to get.
Go ask one of those lovely people with an Orange Apron...it's WHAT THEY GET PAID FOR!

1:00 pm--
I start this blog.

1:03 pm--
Gay Work Husband comes in and asks me to go to Home Depot with him.
I swear him and hubby are in cahoots.
I cannot make this shit up.
I stall him until tomorrow.
I mean, I have to go to Borders and buy all the Vampire Diaries. I just watched 22 episodes in four days, so now I need something else.

1:25 pm
Working diligently on the blog.

1:55 pm
I am hungry.
The Diarrhea chat is finally fading (well, not so much)
Time to go debate lunch choices with Gay Work Husband.

How is it only 2 pm????