Sometimes you just gotta drink....

So the exec I was fretting over calling wasn't available when I called. Of course.

All the nausea....for what?

It makes me remember how I used to time my calls to whatever obsession I had at the time.

Anthony, Joe, Paul, etc.

I used to wait and wait until it was "appropriate" timing for "the call". I would act breezy and smiley, even though my stomach was about to drop through my cooch. And when the phone went to voicemail I tried to either leave a breezy message, or if I had the foresight to hit *67 and block my number I would just hang up and try again later.

So it appears life repeats itself, doesn't it?

For me, it's the fact that I try and come off super confident and take no prisoners...when I really hate this whole sell, sell, sell aspect of what I do for a living. So making the call to some exec is like the unknown of a new guy prospect. I wish there was a way to gauge people on if you are wasting your time.

Some little flicker in the eye, or catch in the voice that is clear enough to say "I don't want to be bothered". Maybe there is and I just don't catch it. Maybe there isn't and I am just paranoid.

All I know is that I will keep plugging away. This email phenomenon has given me ginormous balls when it comes to saying things I would never be able to say aloud.

I am awesome.

I am really good at what I do.

We should work together.

Let's chat or meet and discuss my aforementioned awesome-ness...

And then the chat portion of it ties up my stomach. I guess I will keep trying.

I'll email the exec again this week and see if I can obsess over a call shortly after that.

Stomach in knots, need to vomit....

I am the worse salesman in the world. Well, when it comes to selling myself. Self promotion has just never been my thing.

When it comes right down to it, I would rather SHOW people my value. Show people how ridiculously multi-talented I am so then they can just keep hiring me.

It has worked pretty well for me in the past. I did it with my first freelance gig out of college and that lasted about 10 years.

Then I had a horrible summer of unpaid salesmanship and unemployment that depleted my ego down to zero.

I have been at my present company for about 8 months after an initial 5 week pick-up. It's much better on my stomach to NOT worry every day about my next thing.

As for my stomach issues and need to vomit....
The previous 2 years have been spent trying to learn how to market myself better.

Be a better self promoter. I better salesman of myself.

I have grown to be quite ballsy and confident in email.

Now I need to follow that confidence up with a phone call with a pretty bigwig.
I need to make make him want to create a job or find a project to put me on.

And I really need to vomit...

I guess this never really gets easier.

Who am I?

If I wanted to get really deep and new age on your ass, I would quote some awesome person who spent their lives comfortable in a pretzel in an effort to find "inner peace".

My world however...has no peace.

As you saw in my caffeine addiction post earlier today, I am 32 (for at least a few more months).

Other things that may be helpful...
--I have a child who acts 14, even when she is 4.

--I have a husband that acts 4, even though he is 34.

--I have a career in the entertainment fields that tend to require 24 hour a day attention.

--I drink too much soda (another caffeine issue)

--I love, love, love mashed potatoes.

--Although I achieved unconditional love with my daughter and would step in front of a train for her...she still annoys me occasionally.

--I have 5 siblings that always annoy me...maybe not at the same time, but there's ALWAYS one stirring something up

That should be good to get you started for now.

There's enough crazy with me to keep this blog going. Add in the hubby's crazy family and my crew of nutters....it's gonna be non-stop.

And soon you will see why I enjoy the "occasional" cocktail.

Coffee...damn you Starbucks!

32 years.

More than three decades.

I made it that far without drinking coffee on a regular basis. I don't even really like it that much. But my ridiculous work hours and stress coupled with the fact that there is a big, fat Starbucks situated in the lobby of my building has me with a grande macchiato habit that needs to be broken.

Caffeine in this form makes me feel like a crack addict for the first few hours after I drink it. My eyes start to feel shifty. I talk really fast. My skin feels weird...and I put enough sugar in this devil's drink to send the trainers of the Biggest Loser to my house with a camera and a straight jacket. I have been drinking it every day for the past few months and this weekend I made a special trip while driving around suburbia.

I am staring at the empty coffee cup right this very second wondering if I should make a proclamation here on this, my very first blog.

Do I shout from the www dot rooftops that I will stop drinking this addictive drink.

A drink that I didn't need for over 30 years.

Screw that. I got bigger fish to fry.