My Plan B Got Married

Yes, I myself am married. For almost 8 years. Mostly happy, sometimes miserable. Marriage is fluid...I have NO plans to cheat on my hubby.

But I have always had a plan B (I also have a C...maybe a D)

Plan B was the adorable sweetheart that would do anything for me and told me he would be the first one to call me when I divorced my. Not a nice thing to say, but man it felt good on my ego. Plan B is so genuine and sweet...such the "nice guy", that it was OK for him to say not so nice things.

Why am I not with this cutie? Why did I not date the shit out of him, get a big diamond ring, and marry his successful ass like I could have? Who the fuck knows. Truly.

I tried to be sexually attracted to him, and dammit if he wasn't a head turner in the looks department. He was gentle and tender and sweet and caring...all the crap that women look for. I just couldn't feel it at the time.

Maybe it was timing.
I was 20, he was 22 and making a huge move to a different state. His friends put a lot of pressure on me to make a quick decision on how serious I was willing to get because he was also the type of guy that would have stayed if I gave him reason to.

I let him go.

I started dating the hubby and he dated around himself for a few years. I would see him once in a while with that dazzling smile and my heart still skipped a beat.

I got married. He had a broken engagement. I had a kid. His Dad passed away.

A few years back I ran into him on Thanksgiving Eve and he had the full court press on me.

Telling me how he adored me and loved me and teased me about getting a divorce. It unsettled and excited me.

My Dad had a stroke the day after Thanksgiving and we exchanged emails regarding that, but nothing crazy. He acknowledged what he said that night but never pressed it.

Then Facebook got huge and we stayed in touch that way. He met a nice midwestern girl, moved up to Chicago, and got engaged quickly. Last year I was out watching baseball playoffs and a strange text pops up on my phone...familiar area code. It was Plan B and he was out with a mutual friend. Next thing I know he is standing next to me telling me the same things.

You're gorgeous, let's run away together....everything I didn't need to hear with my marriage in crisis as it was.

I had been planning a Greece trip scheduled for this week (which I never got around to booking)...he told me he wanted to come with me. And even though he was only half-serious because well, he had set the date for his wedding to be just days before my scheduled departure...it was crazy to see his eyes held a little hope that I would maybe say yes...in his imagination I said yes. Because it could only ever be imagination...right?

I was stunned at his boldness. Taken aback because he was engaged. But still egotistically satisfying to hear I had options. And I truly do heart him in some way.

Well, he got married this weekend as planned.
The pics are on Facebook.
I look at him and his adorable face and I wonder selfishly...could that have been me?

I wondered if I crossed his mind during this whole process.

What an asshole I am.
To even think that.
To even entertain that.

But that is human nature I guess. Complicated, selfish, mean, hopeful.

And I may never know and I certainly don't have the balls to ask....I will wonder why he chose Greece as his honeymoon destination.